(Source: roseydoux, via sadnegro)

DREAM

Lost in my dream, lost in my thoughts how it could be

But all this ends and then I’m back in reality

Although it hurts, although I wished it was real

It doesn’t mean that I’m weak it’s just the way how I feel

asstacco

AGAIN

I’m still awake.. I’m still laying in my bed without any feelings except full sadness

But why am I sad?

All this thoughts in my head .. there are too many of them

I can’t even explain what’s wrong with me..

I already cried out all my tears

What’s left?

Just my swollen eyes.

It’s hard to explain…

I cried out for help so many times but nobody listened

When it all starts I thought it’s just a phase..

I mean everyone has their bad days.. I thought it’s normal to feel this kind of pain

But it never stopped

Days became weeks … even months

I can’t see the sense no more

Where are my goals?

Am I still worth for anything?

I keep trying to suppress my feelings… but every time I’m alone and think a little to much I can’t hold back my tears any longer

All this takes my breath away

Outwardly, I still wanted to help everyone

I always wanted the best for everyone

I never wanted anyone to know how I really feel

People always left and I distanced myself to protect myself

I also distanced myself to do all a favor

My mind keep telling me I will never win this game

It feels like prison without any escape

I don’t remember how many days I lied in my room without any contact to the world

It was the only place to feel safe and confident

The only place to cry till my feelings were gone

Till I realized I lost all the passion and love for the important things in my life

I lost all my hope

I just wanted to escape from reality

Time was like an eternity

My everyday life became a challenge

I miss myself … the old ME, the happy ME

I lost my life.. I just tried to survive

I waited all this nights for no reason …

I don’t know what time it is..

I don’t know which day we have

And I never know when the night is over.

I‘m just waiting till I fall asleep

Just for some hours full of peace

Without any deep conversations with my mind

Just me and the world I want to be

But I’m still awake…

Waiting for the next night to think about it all over AGAIN